Friday, May 13, 2005

On This Rock, Baby, You Can Build (Satire)

Well known is Pope Benedict’s withering criticism of rock music ("the vehicle of anti-religion"), uttered when he was prefect of the Vatican Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith.

But unconfirmed reports from Rome suggest that things might be changing in the offices to the left of St. Peter’s. With the appointment of San Francisco’s Archbishop William Levada as prefect of that congregation, three Americans now hold key positions there (the other two being the brilliant Fathers J.A. Dinoia and Charles Brown).

And change, perhaps, was in the air this morning, as tourists in St. Peter’s Square reported electric-guitar power chords emanating from behind the Vatican walls. Nearby journalists with periscopes said they saw three men, all in full black cassock, playing very good instruments (Fender guitars and Marshall amps, according to the most reliable reports).

Coincidentally, earlier that day, demonstrators had gathered to protest the recent silencing of Fr. Thomas Reese, S.J., past-editor of America magazine. The 1970s singing group, the St. Louis Jesuits, were there, holding guitars — but, symbolically, not playing them. Three of the SLJ wore black armbands over their powder-blue leisure-suit sleeves. All the protesters wore gags emblazoned CDF.

What was the Vatican’s newly emerging garage band playing? Again, all of this is unconfirmed. But Italy’s premier fan ’zine, L’Osservatore Rocco, just moments ago, posted the following lyrics...


People try to put us d-down (talkin’ bout my congregation)
Just because we're doctrine-bound (talkin’ bout my congregation).
Things they do look awful . . . old (talkin’ bout my congregation).
Hope I die before I grow cold (talkin’ bout my congregation).

This is my congregation.
This is my congregation, baby.

Why don’t ya all s-s-s-say the creed (talkin’ bout my congregation).
Confess your sins in word and d-d-deed (talkin’ bout my congregation),
Your sins of thought and of omission (talkin’ bout my congregation).
And say it to my congregation.

This is my congregation.
This is my congregation, baby.
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